5 REAL Reasons You're Stressed and How to Tame Them Now
When you're stressed, the cause usually seems obvious: job insecurity, an aging parent's hospitalization, not enough money, a fight, a health scare. Try taking a second look. The real stressor is less likely to be the situation than the way you react to it.
No, I'm not saying that just thinking differently will make a sick parent better or wipe out your credit card debt. But your mental response can make or break how well you weather the storm. That's a valuable insight, considering that stress swamps the immune system, making existing symptoms worse and speeding disease. New research says stress also piles on abdominal fat, the least healthy kind.
Crack the code of what's really feeding your stress and you're on your way to taming the anxiety and tension before you need the coping crutches of booze, food, blood pressure meds, a day under the covers, or worse.
Here are the five top ultimate stressors -- and practical ways to tame them:
1. Lack of control
You sense: "I feel stuck." "I don't have any good options." "Nobody asks my opinion." "There's nothing I can do about this."
Remedy: Give input and exert influence in small ways, if not big ones - and whether or not your actions seem to make a difference. When our action-oriented brains feel like we're making progress, we feel more in control. It's the sense of being able to try that counts. So ask yourself:
No, I'm not saying that just thinking differently will make a sick parent better or wipe out your credit card debt. But your mental response can make or break how well you weather the storm. That's a valuable insight, considering that stress swamps the immune system, making existing symptoms worse and speeding disease. New research says stress also piles on abdominal fat, the least healthy kind.
Crack the code of what's really feeding your stress and you're on your way to taming the anxiety and tension before you need the coping crutches of booze, food, blood pressure meds, a day under the covers, or worse.
Here are the five top ultimate stressors -- and practical ways to tame them:
1. Lack of control
You sense: "I feel stuck." "I don't have any good options." "Nobody asks my opinion." "There's nothing I can do about this."
Remedy: Give input and exert influence in small ways, if not big ones - and whether or not your actions seem to make a difference. When our action-oriented brains feel like we're making progress, we feel more in control. It's the sense of being able to try that counts. So ask yourself:
- Can I do anything to change the situation? Sometimes we accept realities out of habit, even when they're not good for us. Have you turned over every stone?
- Can I assert myself more? Muster the chutzpah to say, "This is what I need."
- Can I flat-out say no? Natural-born caregivers tend to be big-hearted helpers. But they screw themselves over by taking on more than they can manage and then seething afterward, feeling overwhelmed. Look in the mirror and rehearse saying, "Gee I'm sorry, but I can't…".
- Am I moving toward a better situation, even if it's tough now? Consider the big picture. Sometimes it's easier to withstand a sense of stagnation if you know it's part of a bigger arc of progress.
2. Expectations or standards that are too high
You sense: ""Nobody can [fill in the blank] the way I do." "I'm the only one who understands." "I should have held my tongue." "I ought to be able to manage better."
Remedy: Draw - or redraw - what's acceptable to you. For starters:
You sense: ""Nobody can [fill in the blank] the way I do." "I'm the only one who understands." "I should have held my tongue." "I ought to be able to manage better."
Remedy: Draw - or redraw - what's acceptable to you. For starters:
- Erase the words **always and never from your vocabulary.* While you're at it, toss "ought" and "should," too - all red flag constructions of setting your personal bar too high.
- Aim for the B. Trying to do everything at A+ level is for college-bound crazoids, not human beings with houses to keep, relationships to tend, jobs to do, and sanity to uphold.
- Don't try to fit three errands into a two-errand time slot. Especially at rush hour. The math is against you.
- Hold yourself to your own standards, not anybody else's. Everybody has a different threshold. Maybe your sister grooves on talking to financial experts but you're terrified. Maybe your spouse maintains zen-like calm but you have a shorter fuse. Don't compare.
- Applaud yourself. Talking yourself down ("I'm fat," "I'm too slow") makes you your own worst enemy. Pep talk that's positive, even if it's inane ("Nice reply!" "Good hair day!") actually makes you feel physically better.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Post a Comment