Health Fitness

7. Imagine Yourself in Your Friend’s Shoes
When your friend is suffering, how can you help without harming? Author and cancer survivor Lori Hope listened to our community’s concerns and offers her wisdom.
Poppy suffers from PTSD, post-traumatic stress disorder. “Those who have struggled themselves or who have seen a friend struggle with mental health issues or trauma are generally understanding and supportive. There are others who do try. Then there are the ones who are very self-centered. I guess empathy isn't something that everyone has.”

How to help: Psychologist Paul Ekman, author of Emotional Awareness, explains that while some people have less capacity for emotional empathy, most of us can imagine what others are feeling—if we make an effort. Think about what it might be like to have a disease that’s invisible or a time when you experienced something terribly painful. Acknowledge that although you don’t know what your friend is going through, you’re trying to understand—and you’re there for her.

6. Be There, No Matter What
"K" has suffered from anxiety disorder for years, but when she was diagnosed with lung cancer, her anxiety became almost too much to bear. “I find people look at you differently when they find out you have an incurable disease,” wrote K. “I know it's because they can't do anything to help, but it hurts when they walk away from you.”

How to help: “I need to know you’re here for me” is one of the top statements people with cancer want to hear. Too often feelings of fear, discomfort or powerlessness keep friends or family away from those who need them most. Ask yourself if you’re finding excuses to stay away. You don’t need to say anything; just being there and listening matter most. If you can’t be there physically, send a card, gift or letter.


5. Be Sensitive to Events that Might Trigger Sadness
Tina and her sister-in-law got pregnant around the same time, but Tina miscarried after eight weeks. She felt like she was healing—until her baby niece was born. “The loss has resurfaced full force,” wrote Tina. “Everyone around me is so happy...What hurts is that no one seems to remember my little angel who left this world before he even entered it.”


How to help: Many consider losing a child, even by miscarriage, the most painful experience imaginable. Grieving can take much longer than expected, and may come in blindsiding waves triggered by reminders such as anniversaries or births. Be sensitive to that. Pay attention—does your friend look forlorn? Ask her if she’d like to talk, and let her know you’re there to listen.

Source: http://health.ivillage.com/slideshow/health/7_ways_to_help_a_friend_through_a_crisis/